The Masculine Wound:
When Our Greatest Strengths Go Too Far

How strong leadership traits get twisted, and how to get them back in balance.

You’ve probably seen it before. And maybe you’re living it.

A boardroom that celebrates numbers while ignoring the people burning out behind them.
A team that’s crushing metrics but losing morale.
A culture of grind that quietly drains the life out of even the top performers.

It’s not a market problem. Or a staffing issue.
It’s what I call the Masculine Wound.
And no, it’s not what you think.

What I Mean by "The Masculine Wound"

Let’s clear something up. I’m not saying men are the problem.
And I’m not saying “masculine” is bad.

This isn’t about gender. It’s about imbalance.

The Masculine Wound shows up when otherwise helpful leadership traits - like drive, focus, and structure - go into overdrive.

Workplace loneliness isn't some unfortunate side effect. It's baked right into the recipe.
For women leaders? It hits different because:

• Drive becomes burnout.
• Focus becomes tunnel vision.
• Structure becomes red tape.
• Strength becomes dominance.

You know… the kind of stuff that looks great on paper until it quietly starts breaking your team, your culture, or you.

These Traits Aren’t the Enemy

Let’s not throw out the whole toolbox.
We need focus. We need systems. We need gutsy decisions.

But when we rely only on the “push harder, do more, be tougher” approach, we start leaking talent, missing signals, and making decisions that don’t serve anyone long-term.

And yes, the data backs that up.

• The Journal of Social Issues found that “masculinity contest cultures” (where dominance rules) lead to stress, conflict, and turnover.
• McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report shows that women keep falling out of leadership. And it’s not because they’re not qualified, but because they’re done putting up with cultures that run on overdrive and under-empathy.
• And the companies that do integrate diverse leadership styles? According to Harvard Business Review, they outperform. Period.

What’s the Fix?

Not “be softer.”
Not “be more like her.”
Not “run everything by committee until you lose the thread.”

The fix is integration.

Bringing balance to your leadership style by combining the best of what’s often coded as masculine and feminine:

• Data and empathy.
• Structure and adaptability.
• Performance and presence.
• Clarity and connection.

You don’t need to pick a side.
You just need the whole toolkit.

A Real-World Example

Take Satya Nadella at Microsoft.
He didn’t throw out systems thinking. He paired it with listening. Empathy. Clarity. Humanity.

And it changed everything - from culture to performance to innovation.

That’s the power of integrated leadership!
Not spiritual. Not soft. Just smart.

Try This

Before your next big decision, ask yourself:

• Am I using only half my toolkit here?
• Where could I slow down just enough to make the result more human-centered?
• What would change if I brought just 10% more compassion, adaptability, or curiosity into this?

Small tweaks. Big impact.

Bottom Line

The old way of leading said - muscle through.
The new way says - lead fully. Lead well. Lead human.

And let’s be honest.
Leadership doesn’t stop when you shut your laptop. It follows you home. Into your conversations. Into your health. Into your relationships.

So…
If you’re ready to lead with the whole toolkit, great. Let’s make that normal.

And if you're already doing it? Keep going. We need more of it.

PS. Curious where you are on this spectrum? My Career Crossroads Quiz might give you some language for what you’re sensing. It’s not magic. But it is clarifying.